Discovering Self

I grew up very needy for everything outside of me, continuously trying to stick a square peg inside a round whole. Always going around looking for "that" or "this" to guide me towards a sense of Self. It was as if someone was walking around with my missing puzzle piece and I was incomplete until it was recovered.

I close my eyes in this moment and let the sense of Self that is gently tapping at my heart flow to every cell in my body...sending mysteriously familiar goosebumps to my surface. In this moment I recognize that everything that I seek outside of myself can only be discovered within. It is when I am still and guided within that I feel ultimate belonging and infinite bliss.

These moments come to me in Puja, meditation, writing, Kirtan, and spiritual practices. When I do these activities that I am passionate about, I am aligning myself with the love and true infinite self that resides within my heart. What a beautiful feeling and how I would love for it to last, yet the ache of the pureness of this joy and love become overwhelming. As, a teacher once spoke to me "You are spirit and spirit can sustain anything". I guess that one hasn't sunk in yet!

Do you have these moments of pure bliss and love? Ya know where your heart aches oneness, your body tingles with stillness, awareness quiets your mind, and love is all you know. These are the moments that make you want to sing at the top of your lungs, dance like no one is watching, skip with a child like innocence, and smile as if the world depends on it.

NOW is the only time...live your passion...follow your bliss....and fall in love with everything!

With all my Love,

Erin

The Mirror

However good or bad you feel about your relationship, the person you are with at this moment is the "right" person, because he or she is the mirror of who you are inside. Deepak Chopra


Recently I met an incredibly powerful woman at a dance club and was pushed by a force of curiosity to speak with her. Much to my surprise, a connection was made, and a rapid seed of love was planted. The unconditional love and joy that was experienced with her was sweet and everlasting. Her smile so very genuine and her eyes illuminating the God within,had me pinching myself to see if I was dreaming.She stands for love, happiness, power, and service....everything I am passionate about too.

There is that witty saying "if you want to get to know yourself, get into a relationship". Like a mirror that only identifies truth, I was shown a very intimate display of my healthy and unhealthy behaviors I activated with my partner. Cupid hit me with an arrow and knocked me off my feet.....and my ego!

The relationship was overwhelming and exciting at first, all new fun feelings and emotions brewing inside. The next to enter on stage was fear.....usually having a guest appearance in all of my past relationships along with the catch phrase "this one will leave too". I contemplated so much on the fears and concerns of being left that I attracted that right into my reality once again! Along with my fears of "do I really deserve this amazing lover" I began to get so consumed with the past and future that I cheated myself out of the now.

A few things I discovered about me and am committed to working on:

1)Improving my listening skills.
2)Dropping all excuses and taking responsibility for everything in my current reality
3) Learning to stay in and enjoy the now.

The relationship with this beautiful lady has ended, but I will forever be grateful for the experience and awareness it has brought. As for the relationship with self, it is forever expanding!!


With an open heart,

Erin