This post is dedicated to all of my friends who have lost a loved one....
What a day!! I woke up this morning with happiness in my heart and the willingness to allow the day to unfold as is. I don't think I had any idea how much of a shift was on the verge of occurring. Isn't it beautiful how a shift begins to activate and take place in ourselves long before we are aware of it....it's like watching a movie with no sound....it's happening but we are not fully aware of what is going on until we set the volume and fully tune in.
Today I went for hospice orientation, something I have anticipated doing for the last 6 months. I discovered that I had some more processing to do and that when it was time I would be nudged in that direction. I received the nudge and arrived at the orientation today with an open heart and mind.
I must confess, during the first 15 minutes, I was filled with tremendous anxiety and fear. My mind was racing and my ego began to share it's opinion of my service interest. At that point instead of completely surrendering to the anxious feeling and allowing the fear to overcome me, I made a choice. I made a choice to acknowledge those feelings & let them pass. I reflected on the teachings of my spiritual teachers, especially all of the beautiful insights Ram Dass has shared on death & dying. The reflection allowed me to be free of all fear and anxiety at that moment.
Something else happened at that moment, for the first time ever I was able to step out the story that "I lost a close friend to cancer" and step into the willingness of gratitude and service. I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for the opportunity I was given to know and experience life with Coop....so much gratitude it brings me goosebumps! Yet my journey can not end because of the loss, I now get to share and infect the world with unconditional love, kindness, and enthusiasm that Coop shared so freely with me.
Tonight when taking off the rubber lung cancer bracelet I received from Coop and have worn everyday, it broke. I felt a little bit of sadness, but the symbolism was beautiful and assured me that letting go does not erase the love and memories that will carry on forever.
To anyone who has recently lost someone, please feel the support and love I am sending as I assure you that you are not alone! There is absolutely no right or wrong way to grieve and please be assured that a candle of hope is lit for you everyday!
I could never thank you all enough for your support....I am so lucky to be on this journey with you!
In Love & Service,
Erin
